I just saw a streamer playing a horror game get spooped so badly his hat fell off with how quickly he jumped and I laughed so loudly that it scared my cat

the circle of life

Aww! This Woman Reviewed Some Code She Wrote in College and Realized She Actually Used to Be Smart

If you could only listen to one:

@Wallstormer Happy birthday! 🎈🎉

if you drive your car off a cliff it serves briefly as a plane twitter.com/RoadandTrack/s…

i've heard there was a crystal flute
that lizzo played and it pleased the youth
but you don't really care for music, do you?

Republican: free speech lets teachers misgender students

Teacher: i want to gender a student correctly

Republican: free speech is now irrelevant; you need parental permission

Parent: i give the teacher permission to gender my child correctly

Republican: you're under arrest

@TheGodOfLions Maybe not, but it is extremely relatable

(It’s a @basicrights fundraising event, btw) bro.ejoinme.org/MyEvents/Ignit…

Got this in the mail today and was all “wtf is a goth clam” 😂😂😂

(I was super setting that’s why it says there were no rests; believe me there were rests)

Was wondering why I kept getting noise warnings while working out, as the speakers at the gym aren’t THAT loud…

Turns out, when you are deadlifting with metal plates and get to about 265 lbs for reps, touching the bar down between reps is loud, if your ears are on your wrist

Our derelict vessel crews are begging you to understand that anything that “serves briefly as a boat” should not be used as a boat twitter.com/elonmusk/statu…

A random unattended 7yo at the park told me and my son that gay people are the devil and are going to hell. My son scoffed, but the boy said it was true because God said so. I told him parents made up God to make their kids do what they want. His eyes got so big.

Universities pay staggering salaries to Presidents, Chancellors, VPs and provosts by the dozens, etc and in every administrative office there is a 57 year old woman named Peggy with a title like "Admin Assistant II" and that's the person who actually runs the university.

Enjoy my bad Cyberpunk 2077 driving and general mayhem and then wait for it...

People wonder why Jews are neurotic. It’s because the chill ones didn’t make it. Every Jew you meet is the descendent of a Jew 200 years ago who was like “yo, the vibes are off. Let’s get on a boat.”

I had top surgery 13 years ago. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about how it was the best thing I have ever done for my survival. I also had orthopedic knee surgery at 14 and often regret it. But no NYTs pieces about orthopedic regret I see.

welp, I accidentally broke a beer bottle at the grocery store checkout so I guess I can never go back to the grocery store again

oh well, guess I’ll starve

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

oh look, I found Kojima in Cyberpunk 2077

Verifying myself: I am tekniklr on Keybase.io. qP537Ba9EJ2xww86PEfQKk0e-y-9VsE7l5yI / keybase.io/tekniklr/sigs/…

the appalachian mountains are older than saturn’s rings. the appalachian mountains are older than dinosaurs. the appalachian mountains are older than trees. the appalachian mountains are literally older than BONES. the appalachian mountains should be regarded with pure terror.

@BethSkw Still more penguin-shaped but now at least I am waddling the correct path 👍👍

@BethSkw You inspired me to go on an actual walk just for the sake of walking for the first time in forever, so thanks for that

Okay y'all, I think I found the best idea for the Dynamic Island on the iPhone 14 Pro. I added a cat that lives up there like a tamagotchi and just hangs out and does cute stuff as you browse Reddit in my app (Apollo).

“don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” bro, the most famous gift horse in history became a huge problem because no one bothered to look inside.

I love stardew valley so much, I wish home ownership in a walkable city was real

i used to think that “sex =/= gender” / “gender is a social construct (fake)” was a misguided but mostly harmless framework but now i am convinced that its popularity has been actively destructive

and so half of Portland was briefly united in the shared experience of wtf

oh no

there’s a Clerks 3?

and I kind of want to see it???

oh NO

tired: trans mascs wanting to be trash goblins
wired: trans mascs wanting to be just some guy

guy who pronounces the meow in homeowner

guy who is very arodynamic (aromantic but only sometimes)

lol the paid version of Twitter only offers things that don’t matter at all to me (ad-free but only for articles, undo) and none of the things I’d actually be willing to pay for (entirely ad free, disable topic suggestions entirely, prioritize content from mutuals)

cat king, germany, 15th century

just occurred to me that I probably love airports because they are safe walkable little cities with bathrooms and snacks everywhere

every couple months a tech company will re-invent something we already have like a bus or a sailboat but more evil. congrats to these dopes for somehow doing that for the concept of Gorillaz twitter.com/CryptoLA2023/s…

If you have student loans and have worked in public service (federal, state, local, tribal gov. or non-profit) for >=10 years (even if not consecutively), you might be able to get all of your student debt cancelled, apply before 10/31 - see pslf.gov

,,,,the sky above the television tuned to a dead channel was the color of a different, much older television tuned to a dead channel :(

"Why aren't Millenials having children?" Maybe because those of us who did were nice enough to explain to our friends you have to wake up at 5:52am and watch Thomas while holding a toy of Thomas and making him say "Wow, look, I'm on TV" before your coffee is even ready.

If you’ve never tried it before, I highly recommend doing kettlebell swings while facing a mirror.

Arms and pecs looking YOKED

The Bible is unclear about a lot of things but not predatory loans

Preemptively posting this.

if you just assume ronald reagan is the cause of any bad thing you encounter in life you'll be right way more often than you'll be wrong

@clovewright For sure! It’s been ages and we’ve both had some changes 😂

@clovewright Thanks! Since I don’t really know what I want at least I don’t feel too torn up about not getting it, lol

Just sorta… putting myself out there to see if anything appeals for now

And… guess this meetup, at least, ain’t it

@clovewright Tell me about it! Add in being grey ace and not even sure what I’m looking for and it becomes so complicated I’ve mostly given up and haven’t even been on a date since 2015

@dylansan @hbmmaster We define 'irregardless' as 'regardless,' so yes, the definition is the same. There is a large difference in usage, however. The difference is that no one much cares when you use 'regardless,' but people like to shriek and guffaw when you use 'irregardless'

@oalian75 Not gay enough I guess 😔

@clovewright I messaged the organizer (who happens to be a member of another meetup I’m in but I don’t think I’ve even met them) for an explanation but don’t really expect a response

My therapist told me that anxiety and excitement are physically the same and when I feel anxious about something that I should pretend that I am excited. This morning I tried it and thought "I am so excited that everybody hates me"

lol

I tried to join a local LGBTQ singles meetup and was denied

guess I'm just ugly

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is actual cyberpunk

Just found out Gen Z kids are calling the 90s “the late 1900s” and I feel like I just drank from the wrong grail in Indiana Jones

Entire city of Portland currently feels like the enclosure surrounding an indoor pool at 2-star hotel

me trying anything

@ahninjas Also, WILD that despite being broken and somewhat unfinished, New Vegas is still the best Fallout???

@ahninjas Well, I don’t know about that, but Microsoft released a framerate patch for it (and fallout 3) last year

anyway, if you already share my dysfunction, or perhaps would like to, feel free to join me in Vault 21 I guess

open.spotify.com/playlist/6FP1Y…

every ikea should have a Beast somewhere inside. such as a minotaur or a dog

every time I go to Vegas I get the urge to drop everything and replay New Vegas

Surprisingly, this canned white russian was tastier than many mixed white russians I’ve had

plus, maybe this is a brain defect of mine, but I choose to believe that the use of “abides” on the back was a Big Lebowski reference

Another current media trend I'd have never predicted: Lots of people watching with the captions on because sound mixing is so shitty that you can't tell what people are saying, and instead of studios adjusting the audio, audiences gave up and started reading their shows instead.

@maggiekarp @ContraPoints My opinions are shaped by living in Portland; where it’s very hard to date and meet people who aren’t poly

So what I’m hearing is poly people are sex vegans

Comedians: if you’re not offending someone you’re not doing comedy right

Mitch Hedberg: I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. It’s not the photographers fault and that’s extra scary to me because there’s a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside

NPR scolding Beto for cussing out the guy laughing at 19 dead children is the essence of modern liberalism