at least I shaved for the first time in a month so I look less like a teenage dirtbag in one way

took out my plugs because #QuarantineLife and to give my ears a rest; just tried to put in my smallest plugs (1/2”) and they don’t fit anymore 👩‍🦲🙃

look I know the world is ending and stuff but I'd just like to say that after a few weeks of not forcing my sleep cycle into a 9-5 pattern I've actually never felt better?

I just get up and go to sleep...when I feel like it. I had no idea how miserable I was before

Hello

I got a flu test once and they were like "I just need to put this up your nose, like...I'm sorry, WAY up your nose"

and I was like: ok

and then I was like I DID NOT KNOW I HAD NOSE THERE twitter.com/DrPeckPNP/stat…

People: "I want 2020 to be like the roarin' twenties!"

Earth: "Alright, infectious disease is spreading."

People: "No, not like that."

Earth: "The US stock market is tanking."

People: "Wait..."

Earth: "LMAO Bars can't be open anymore."

BAY AREA MUST 'SHELTER IN PLACE'

Six Bay Area counties announced a “shelter in place” order for all residents, directing everyone to stay in their homes for the next 3 weeks as officials desperately try to curb the spread of #coronavirus.

sfchronicle.com/local-politics…

Stay at home as much as possible. Listen to the experts, ignore the morons (foreheads). We will get through this together.

I have a very close friend who’s a researcher studying public health at a major NGO, and he told me that this was THE week to practice as much social distancing as possible, even if you don’t have to go to work.

I asked him to explain why. Sharing his answers w/ permission (1/x)

cis doctors: woah now, gotta be careful with those hormones. best wait a couple of years, live in role, and disclose your entire gender and sexual history to at least two specialists before we get started

also cis doctors: twitter.com/BringerOfRot/s…

Legend has it that if your say “cognitive decline” on here three times an account with no followers will appear to link to an article about Joe Biden overcoming stuttering.

hearing my neighbors’ hacking coughs through the walls; feeling very safe and quarantined 🙃

@tenderlove my dad told me to, remembering the toilet paper shortage caused by the oil crisis in the 70s. there was apparently no toilet paper available anywhere. supply chain disruptions are a real concern.

AIPAC confirms that two conference attendees have now tested positive for coronavirus. I reported 2 days ago this was likely. There were 18,000 people there, including 2/3rds of Congress. On Tuesday, thousands of conference goers visited Hill offices. twitter.com/AIPAC/status/1…

it’s true that the iron cross did not originate in hate, but nazis appropriated it, just as they did with the swastika, and came to be symbolic of white supremacy, and as a romani person im not gonna wait to figure out if you’re just a goofy ass white or if you’re a nazi twitter.com/SectionH8/stat…

Please, going into the general election, remember 'We survived four years, we can survive four more' is not true for everyone.

"Quarantine" has a pretty complicated etymology. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT, YES YOU WOULD, SETTLE IN, MY NERDS

1/13

biden seems fine but a lot of his supporters (fossil fuel companies, weapons manufacturers, insurance companies) have been pretty mean to me :/

@_jbfitz I love living alone because this is my entire apartment

working from home mostly so I can go back to touching my face constantly without worry

it's allergy season, and these eyes are hungry for rubs

@jenred @ByYourLogic How is replacing a name with "the last guy" a stutter?

I don’t really want to hector Warren people today, they deserve a second to figure stuff out. but it’s curious how no journalist has written a word about Joe Biden’s obvious dementia twitter.com/BetaODork/stat…

this is the best word on urban dictionary

elizabeth warren was an anti-lgbt republican until 1996. joe biden was an anti-lgbt conservative until 2012.

anyways, here's our boy bernard

An alternative to never touching your face is always touching your face and nothing else.

DNC watching disappointing youth turnout in march: hee hee
DNC watching disappointing youth turnout in november: now hold up

have a little a good news, as a treat gaystarnews.com/article/video-…

If Warren had dropped and endorsed Bernie when the centrists dropped and endorsed Biden, progressives would have had a fighting chance. She stayed in so she could get 3rd in her home state.

It's obvious but it warrants calling it now: if Joe Biden gets the nomination, he'll absolutely lose to Trump, and liberal Democrats will blame people who supported Sanders.

Elizabeth Warren has just kneecapped the progressive movement.

If Biden wins the nomination, it will be a real lesson in how power works. Bernie was on track to win, Biden had no campaign, and they all knew it. So a few phone calls were made behind the scenes to Amy, Pete, Beto. Several million was put into a pro-Warren Super PAC. Voila!

Is this one of Warren’s plans? I admit I didn’t read the website thoroughly

@BethSkw thank you! it does help. people who are put off by trans people existing in sport (or existing at all) certainly aren't gonna listen to what trans people think about it 💜

maybe this had the opposite of the intended effect because now I'm all, "oh, six seconds seems 95% effective." reddit.com/r/Portland/com…

@PBOTinfo there is a small (~1ft diameter) open manhole in the middle of the intersection of SE 34th and Division. I have no idea where to report this, but hopefully you can pass it along.

I live in Seattle, I have all symptoms of COVID-19 and have a history of chronic bronchitis.

Since I work in a physical therapy clinic with many 65+ patients and those with chronic illnesses, I decided to be responsible and go to get tested. This is how that went.

@stuffedskullcat right??? I tell people i’m worried and skipping events and they’re all like “you’ll be fine! don’t worry!”

bitch I know, I don’t want to spread it around to people who won’t be fine!

you can’t get mad at jill stein voters if you’re voting for elizabeth warren tomorrow 😘😘😘 spicy tweet

@yumcoconutmilk Epitaph for America: "There was money in suffering and death."

I really hate this country. $3,000 to get tested for the coronavirus, bc they wanted to reject the WHO’s test so they could make money. And the test doesn’t even work.

This country is so fucking evil, at its core. Beyond rotten. Absolutely disintegrated by depravity

@emilysuvada I have 2-3 whey protein shakes daily but they are still only 24g each

i’m not against lab meat but as mostly i’m eating a lot of chicken breast instead of something made from ground meat I think the simulacra is harder to match

@yashar An expert on the 1918 Spanish Flu epidemic wrote a piece 2 yrs ago on lessons of why that outbreak was so deadly.

His conclusion: govt officials, desperate to keep morale up during WWI, didn't tell the truth.

And because the govt lied, more people died. smithsonianmag.com/history/journa…

@emilysuvada i’m actually eating more as it’s the easiest way for me to meet my protein goals (>150g/day) without consuming massive amounts of beans

warren supporters are dismissive when you bring up her past as a republican because “well people can change” which is true, but what that says to me is that she had to learn that i’m a person, rather than just knowing that

How not to use colons twitter.com/Reuters/status…

Skyrim skits never get old

Whatever ends up happening with coronavirus, it’s gonna be a great year for canceling plans

fascinated w Justin Bieber's transition from lesbian to trans man using just regular cisgender puberty

When I was in Korea I got an ear infection and had to go to the doctor.

Doctor: It’s too bad you’re not a citizen so you can’t access the national health insurance. Otherwise this would cost $5 😢

Me: So how much does it cost?

Doctor: $15 😢 twitter.com/QueeringPsych/…

GANDALF: there are 5 wizards: me, saruman, radagast & two others
FRODO: can we ask radagast for help?
GANDALF: frodo what good could eagles possibly do us
FRODO: fine how about the last two wizards
GANDALF: ...they're busy

FRODO: you don't know their names do you

nearly got run over by a sheriff who turned the wrong way down a one way street without even deigning to use a turn signal 👍

jackass is a docuseries about the cis, straight, white, american male id and how it coped with and responded to suburban ennui in the death throes of its cultural monopoly. it should be in the criterion collection

Wash your hands like you got a club stamp you don't want Mom to see

People would be told February 29th only came every fourth year, the council agreed.

It would be harder to explain that it happened every year.

That every three in four, memories of the day were harvested.

Don’t believe everything on Wikipedia. Real height is 6’ 2.5”. I was 6’3”, but shrunk with the burden of all the Mother 3 questions. twitter.com/ForceinUnison/…

@UnburntWitch

My wife left me home alone with the kids to go out drinking with her friends. A lesser man might whine and complain, but instead I'm just playing Chumbawamba's 1997 hit "Tubthumping" over and over and over. On the jukebox at their bar. Using the TouchTunes app.

@BethSkw I would cheer you on if your meets were within biking distance of me, for sure!

@BethSkw yeah, I could probably be better in this regard. I'm anywhere between 2-5 hours fasted when I work out. it's only a problem on high rep compound lifts

but, as my existential tiredness wasn't so much at the gym as just walking/biking around most of the day, I don't blame that?

@BethSkw I'm gonna cheer on friends at a meet this weekend! I have been to a few. they are great when the attendees aren't too alt white.

@BethSkw make no real effort to track carbs, just protein, but haven't changed my diet too much besides pounding extra protein shakes or chicken patties at night if I'm still below my protein and calories

and because it's apparently the apocalypse I'm more stressed now if anything

@BethSkw I know they would and my coach really wants me to enter but I don't think this sort of competition is good for me, somehow? I kinda just want to ghost race myself until I'm a literal ghost?

@BethSkw wild that at the bottom range of what is apparently my maintenance my gut wouldn't budge and my muscles wouldn't enswole and I'd be tired all the time, but at the top range my gut wouldn't budge and my muscles barely enswole and I wouldn't be tired all the time

@BethSkw I don't even know what gender to lift with, let alone what weight class 😭

@BethSkw I don’t bike THAT much- my daily average for the past year is only 6.6 miles!

and I only lift three times a week; seems like you’re at it every day!

@BethSkw I figured I was at a SLIGHT deficit before because my weight wasn't dropping and my tummy is still painfully apparent and T should be making my gainz supercharged, but my weight (and gut) have stayed pretty stable since increasing calories

who knows, bodies are weird

@BethSkw how is your recovery with working out as much as you do and that many calories?

I was going for 140G protein and 2400 calories a day and my arms and legs were CONSTANTLY tired. my trainer had me up calories to 2500-2700 calories (and I upped protein to 150+G) and it fixed me up!

🦠
This tweet is a #TraceableMemeticVirus
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🔬
Let's observe how it spreads!
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To participate
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:

1. Quote tweet this tweet if you see it (exposure).
2. Copy / paste the text in your tweet, too (infection).
3. Change something about it (biohacking!). twitter.com/BethSkw/status…