meetings should have a button you can secretly press and if everyone presses the button the meeting suddenly ends

@_birdmachine how about when an intersex kid is born and doctors just decide which societally acceptable sex the kid can be more easily surgically modified to fit?

david cronenberg

invented sex

Crypto was good for like ten seconds in 2009 when all you could do with it was buy crack from a tor site. It has produced nothing of value since then.

What makes biking dangerous is all the cars. What makes the bus so slow is all the cars. What makes it so everything is too far away to walk is all the space we have to reserve for the cars.

@oalian75 I haven't watched Loki but if you are looking for weird comic inspired media then DC's Legends of Tomorrow gets WILD around season three and then keeps getting weirder.

I'm always confusing the names of various ominous organizations so I made a handy chart to keep track

I am absolutely dead serious when I say this, if ANYONE ever goes into your work and asks for a coworkers shift times, do NOT TELL THEM. you have no idea who is asking, I always say “Im sorry I am not at the liberty of disclosing”

Protect ur coworkers

so we’re just powering through hot drunk trainwreck summer without processing all the grief, I love this for us it’s like Hemingway going to the French Riviera after WWI

We here at Weyland-Yutani Corporation would like to wish a happy Pride Month to all of our LGBT colonists on LV-426.

Whatever you think you can't do, just know that there is someone who is confidently doing it wrong right now. They have no plans at doing it better either and people are paying them to do it. Please believe in your own excellence as much as they believe in their mediocrity.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Do all your side quests before the Reaper IFF mission in Mass Effect 2

Stumbled across the Wikipedia image for The Scientific Method and thought it could be updated for today’s youths

Verifying myself: I am tekniklr on Keybase.io. -xUviadMUxHzxFU_c6CR0qZks2w8Z5jbL-Ll / keybase.io/tekniklr/sigs/…

Elliot Page experiencing dysphoria while promoting Juno vs. Amanda Bynes experiencing dysphoria while promoting She's The Man

very easy to fold a fitted sheet if you don’t care

DONT TRY ME,,, - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

@mcolgrove right! all my old cats would just kill them. I was shocked!

@ghalidrim I've heard that used a lot, but since LogoWriter was much more formulative in my early computing experience I refute it

(yes: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xennials )

"geriatric" sure is a wild clickbaity label for people who are like 40-45 years old

hadn't we already agreed upon "xennial" as a label for this demographic? twitter.com/Telegraph/stat…

cats have weird object permanence because as soon as I see him eat a bug, he runs around looking to see where the fun thing he was chasing went

or he's looking for more like this is some weird bug centric café

woe be unto any arthropod daring to enter my apartment, for my cat is a ruthless hunter who likes to eat your crunchy leggies

in the past few days he has devoured at least one large spider and two large house flies, and that's just what I've seen

I took a chance and ordered an Indochino suit and wow I’ve never had a suit that actually fit before 😍 instagram.com/p/CPCJ2EsBBF2/…

For trans people, bathroom bills are not "pee in the room of your 'biological sex'" laws.

They are "look in the mirror and try to figure out which bathroom you're less likely to be challenged in, and you better be sure" laws.

Being fully vaccinated but pretending to not be, in order to avoid being harassed for "still wearing a mask" in Cosco, by a mask-less guy who actually is not vaccinated but is pretending to be, is peak America right now.

Anyone who rts the bread boi will be blessed with that bread this week💰

i like the floats at pride with the leather gays mock whipping each other a lot more than i like banks, cops and politicians there

@dsal whoever said this is a slur clearly needs some wholesome himbo to disabuse them of this notion via hugs.

also, my phone autocorrects "himbo" to "jumbo" and

tried to set my instagram pronouns as "they/them/he/himbo" and it wouldn't accept himbo this is discrimination

@oalian75 32MB of music!!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE

this was a gift for a friend who requested a very small mp3 player with: “if I can swallow it it is a very good mp3 player”

even if Arcade really does just fuck off forever as soon as you resolve his personal issues.

adds realism.

I've never played the first two Mass Effects (2007, 2010) before, but after spending years hearing people crow about the relationship options I'm disappointed to learn that there are no gay romances for male sheps until the 3rd game (2012)

New Vegas (2010) is much more gay!

The CDC says fully vaccinated people can just walk into Mordor.

The fact that you cannot hide your contacts/connections/friends on Venmo poses a risk to all Venmo users. buzzfeednews.com/article/ryanma…

finally we can get back to the way things were 🥰

I'm sure fully-vaccinated people *can* be unmasked indoors but:
- we have no way of determining on sight who is and isn't vaccinated
- which means immunocompromised people (and even vaxxed people!) still aren't safe in these spaces
- the pandemic literally isn't over?

I think a thing that young people could not possibly understand about Gen X and older Millennials is that our entire personalities were shaped by watching shows that weren’t at all for us or even interesting to us just because they were on

Educational

Before I had a smartphone

"Nobody wants to work anymore" has big time "Girls don't want to date nice guys" energy

@ckwright if you are interested I can DM you details!

the bathrooms in my gym are gender neutral but are labelled "theydies" and "themtlethems" and I love it so much

why the hell would anyone watch SNL to see bad and unfunny sketch comedy when you can simply type "The Kids in the Hall" into youtube and watch good, pristine and timeless sketch comedy

The Portland Riot would be a cool team name, don't act like you wouldn't buy that shirt.

Who makes healthcare decisions in your country?

In the US a patient sits down with their doctor. They work hard and, even if it’s a difficult choice, together they decide on the best course of action.

Then, two weeks later, an insurance company is like, “actually, naaah.”

they shouldn't have revealed what Ethan looks like in resident evil because the games have become less "what if you were stuck in the midst of a wild supernatural scenario" and more "what if you gave griffin mcelroy a loaded firearm"

me and my friends trying to figure out how to dress for things again and we're all getting it wrong but in different ways but it's ok and we're doing our best

@_jbfitz I have never realized this, but now that you've pointed it out it makes me feel better, too.

thank you!

Woman in my cottagecore group posted she found this at her local thrift shop and basically she's about to be murdered by a haunted dress and painting.

Inclusive language around pregnancy is intended to create space for trans mascs to access care and yet still becomes weaponized to hurt trans women. Everything is pretty terrible.

good to know i’m achieving maleness by acquiring toxic masculinity via a refusal to ask for help when needed, i guess

today’s post-vaccine trans-panic brought to you by “I asked a tall stranger at the gym to hook up a thing I couldn’t reach”

this is a thing that would be totally normal when I was typically perceived as a girl, but now that i’m maybe not (¯\_(ツ)_/¯) the anxiety has hit

nonbinary people are allowed to use gendered terms for themselves. if a nonbinary person is fine with being called “boy” or “boyfriend” they’re still nonbinary. a nonbinary person’s pronouns can be she/her and she’s still be nonbinary. stop trying to make us into a trinary

Huge heads up on PayPal Twitter Tip Jar. If you send a person a tip using PayPal, when the receiver opens up the receipt from the tip you sent, they get your *address*. Just tested to confirm by tipping @yashar on Twitter w/ PayPal and he did in fact get my address I tipped him. twitter.com/TwitterSupport…

I created this helpful diagram of the Agile process.

A little known fact is that cats can cast Prismatic Spray

PDX: the convention center is waiting to give you your *FREE* Pfizer vaccine. Tons of availability. Everyone 16 and up! Reduces stress and helps humanity. covid19scheduling.lhs.org/occ

I bought some whiskey today to celebrate finally being fully vaccinated and taking care of some neglected self-maintenance, and oh my, whiskey is very calorie efficient and doesn't wreck my macros too badly. thanks, whiskey!

(everyone else already knew this, shut up)

guy that says "it's what it's" because they think it saves time

@ckwright @jordanhirsch y'know those cis people- always trying to get free ball/boob removal surgery. quintessential cis grift.

Signal tried to use Instagram ads to display the data Facebook collects about you and sells access to.

Facebook wasn't into the idea, and shut down our account instead: signal.org/blog/the-insta…

for any non-binary person with spoons today - how would you like awards to adjust male/female categories for better inclusion, if at all? (ex: best actor and best actress)

I'm fully vaccinated as of yesterday so today I left the house on my bike and almost immediately got shit on by a bird

outside is overrated

waiting to see who says "Cthulhu!" first like I also didn't think of that.

the fact that whales have eyes on the sides of their heads implies they are a prey animal, and that there is some terrifying giant super predator in the ocean.

Boobytrap spelled backwards is partyboob. You're welcome.

@techgirl1908 10