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Parents of Reddit Confess Why They Regret Having Kids

Parents of Reddit Confess Why They Regret Having Kids:

your-url-is-problematic:

abyssopelagic-alexithymia:

yumearashi:

This is so important, stories like this need to be told.  The cultural insistence we have that parenthood is some kind of magical bonding that happens every time without exception does real harm to both parents and children, as you can see from some of these stories:

My father recently told me he never wanted kids, but my mother wanted them. She thought he would love us when we were born.

and

I didn’t realize that a maternal instinct is not universal. You know how you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy? I felt nothing. […] My boys are well cared for and I am always here for them, but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable. It is a bit like a retail job you don’t like where you put on a fake persona and slog through it the best you can. I don’t get to leave this job, though. 

and

I also thought I wouldn’t mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child.

and

I always said I would never have children. I hate kids..I do. I am just not that type of nurturing person. I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use (condoms, birth control) but I am that .1% and apparently very fertile.  I do not have that natural motherly instinct that all women seem to have, you know..that one that kicks in the moment they know they’re pregnant. I have to work really hard at it and it’s exhausting. I miss my solitude and being able to “check out” of reality from time to time.

and

Because kids aren’t the life completer we believe they are.

Are there people for whom having children completes their lives?  No doubt.  Are there parents for whom the downsides like sleeplessness and loss of personal time are outweighed by the love and joy they feel?  Of course.  Are there people who change their minds about wanting kids once they have them?  Sure.  But that’s not true for everyone.  It doesn’t happen every time, it’s never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who don’t want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.

We need to dispel the starry-eyed myths around pregnancy, childbirth, and marriage and create more realistic expectations.  Parenthood is too important a choice for people not to go into it with their eyes open.

“It doesn’t happen every time, it’s never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who don’t want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.” 

There’s a book on this topic that was groundbreaking when it came out, called Regretting Motherhood: A Study by Dr. Orna Donath. The backlash was insane. This is a topic that simply wasn’t discussed, and as the book became more famous (was translated into multiple languages, received a lot of public attention), the responses also became more incendiary. I had the utter honor and pleasure of studying with Orna - she read us some of the death threats she received, in her calm and measured manner, using them to further show just how deeply society expects motherhood of women.

I haven’t read the book myself, but knowing Orna, and having read some of her other work, I wholeheartedly recommend it.

Tweets

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    even if Arcade really does just fuck off forever as soon as you resolve his personal issues.

    adds realism.

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    I've never played the first two Mass Effects (2007, 2010) before, but after spending years hearing people crow about the relationship options I'm disappointed to learn that there are no gay romances for male sheps until the 3rd game (2012)

    New Vegas (2010) is much more gay!

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    Ann Leckie ☕
    Ann Leckie ☕

    The CDC says fully vaccinated people can just walk into Mordor.

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    Eva
    Eva

    The fact that you cannot hide your contacts/connections/friends on Venmo poses a risk to all Venmo users. buzzfeednews.com/article/ryanma…

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    j̴̢͘҉i̸̢͞z̛̛̀҉͞z̡͞w̶̵̢͜͞i̡͘t̸͝͝c̸͝h̀͏
    j̴̢͘҉i̸̢͞z̛̛̀҉͞z̡͞w̶̵̢͜͞i̡͘t̸͝͝c̸͝h̀͏

    finally we can get back to the way things were 🥰

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    bletchley punk
    bletchley punk

    I'm sure fully-vaccinated people *can* be unmasked indoors but:
    - we have no way of determining on sight who is and isn't vaccinated
    - which means immunocompromised people (and even vaxxed people!) still aren't safe in these spaces
    - the pandemic literally isn't over?

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    Amber Sparks
    Amber Sparks

    I think a thing that young people could not possibly understand about Gen X and older Millennials is that our entire personalities were shaped by watching shows that weren’t at all for us or even interesting to us just because they were on

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    Starsent
    Starsent

    Educational

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    Dinero

    Before I had a smartphone

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    Brad Batt for TN State Sanity ✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾
    Brad Batt for TN State Sanity ✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾

    "Nobody wants to work anymore" has big time "Girls don't want to date nice guys" energy

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    @ckwright if you are interested I can DM you details!

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    the bathrooms in my gym are gender neutral but are labelled "theydies" and "themtlethems" and I love it so much

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    mushroom 🍄 respecter
    mushroom 🍄 respecter

    why the hell would anyone watch SNL to see bad and unfunny sketch comedy when you can simply type "The Kids in the Hall" into youtube and watch good, pristine and timeless sketch comedy

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    Samantha Swindler
    Samantha Swindler

    The Portland Riot would be a cool team name, don't act like you wouldn't buy that shirt.

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    Hank Green
    Hank Green

    Who makes healthcare decisions in your country?

    In the US a patient sits down with their doctor. They work hard and, even if it’s a difficult choice, together they decide on the best course of action.

    Then, two weeks later, an insurance company is like, “actually, naaah.”

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    Ammnontet!
    Ammnontet!

    they shouldn't have revealed what Ethan looks like in resident evil because the games have become less "what if you were stuck in the midst of a wild supernatural scenario" and more "what if you gave griffin mcelroy a loaded firearm"

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    Amy

    me and my friends trying to figure out how to dress for things again and we're all getting it wrong but in different ways but it's ok and we're doing our best

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    @_jbfitz I have never realized this, but now that you've pointed it out it makes me feel better, too.

    thank you!

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    Rad Tasia, #HireTasia
    Rad Tasia, #HireTasia

    Woman in my cottagecore group posted she found this at her local thrift shop and basically she's about to be murdered by a haunted dress and painting.

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    Chase Strangio
    Chase Strangio

    Inclusive language around pregnancy is intended to create space for trans mascs to access care and yet still becomes weaponized to hurt trans women. Everything is pretty terrible.

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    good to know i’m achieving maleness by acquiring toxic masculinity via a refusal to ask for help when needed, i guess

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    today’s post-vaccine trans-panic brought to you by “I asked a tall stranger at the gym to hook up a thing I couldn’t reach”

    this is a thing that would be totally normal when I was typically perceived as a girl, but now that i’m maybe not (¯\_(ツ)_/¯) the anxiety has hit

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    아빠 ☽☾ persona hell ( NO THEY/THEM )
    아빠 ☽☾ persona hell ( NO THEY/THEM )

    nonbinary people are allowed to use gendered terms for themselves. if a nonbinary person is fine with being called “boy” or “boyfriend” they’re still nonbinary. a nonbinary person’s pronouns can be she/her and she’s still be nonbinary. stop trying to make us into a trinary

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    Rachel Tobac
    Rachel Tobac

    Huge heads up on PayPal Twitter Tip Jar. If you send a person a tip using PayPal, when the receiver opens up the receipt from the tip you sent, they get your *address*. Just tested to confirm by tipping @yashar on Twitter w/ PayPal and he did in fact get my address I tipped him. twitter.com/TwitterSupport…

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    Waldo Jaquith
    Waldo Jaquith

    I created this helpful diagram of the Agile process.

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    Henry Prince
    Henry Prince

    A little known fact is that cats can cast Prismatic Spray

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    Cabel
    Cabel

    PDX: the convention center is waiting to give you your *FREE* Pfizer vaccine. Tons of availability. Everyone 16 and up! Reduces stress and helps humanity. covid19scheduling.lhs.org/occ

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    I bought some whiskey today to celebrate finally being fully vaccinated and taking care of some neglected self-maintenance, and oh my, whiskey is very calorie efficient and doesn't wreck my macros too badly. thanks, whiskey!

    (everyone else already knew this, shut up)

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    make up a guy
    make up a guy

    guy that says "it's what it's" because they think it saves time

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    @ckwright @jordanhirsch y'know those cis people- always trying to get free ball/boob removal surgery. quintessential cis grift.

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    Moxie Marlinspike
    Moxie Marlinspike

    Signal tried to use Instagram ads to display the data Facebook collects about you and sells access to.

    Facebook wasn't into the idea, and shut down our account instead: signal.org/blog/the-insta…

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    gayishpodcast
    gayishpodcast

    for any non-binary person with spoons today - how would you like awards to adjust male/female categories for better inclusion, if at all? (ex: best actor and best actress)

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    I'm fully vaccinated as of yesterday so today I left the house on my bike and almost immediately got shit on by a bird

    outside is overrated

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    waiting to see who says "Cthulhu!" first like I also didn't think of that.

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    the fact that whales have eyes on the sides of their heads implies they are a prey animal, and that there is some terrifying giant super predator in the ocean.

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    Valkyrie 🏳️‍⚧️ Ver. 1.22474487139
    Valkyrie 🏳️‍⚧️ Ver. 1.22474487139

    Boobytrap spelled backwards is partyboob. You're welcome.

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    socialite
    socialite

    I think Sisyphus would be much happier if they had a big number at the top of the mountain that incremented with each successful rock push, and also if they let him spend those points on fun stickers for the rock

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    ReductRs
    ReductRs

    How to Refactor Your Code So Many Times That You Don't Know Where You Are Anymore

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    Dan Goodin
    Dan Goodin

    Apple reports two iOS zerodays that both allow attackers to remotely execute malicious code on fully-patched devices. Update to iOS 14.5.1. support.apple.com/en-us/HT212336

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    rstevens 🐳💨
    rstevens 🐳💨

    the blockchain is just a human centipede for math

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    also, I never really messed with companions in previous playthroughs as they cramped my sneaky style, but this time since I was playing a melee character I decided to do all their sidequests

    and Arcade really just fucks off forever when you do his quest, huh?

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    I've played New Vegas before and I swear the first time I've EVER heard of Vault 19 was last night when I saw the relevant Powder Gangers slide in the ending

    guess there's a few more locations to find, and that I should probably finally take that Explorer perk

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    James 💋
    James 💋

    Something that frequently gets left out of discussions around affirmation that you don't need dysphoria to be trans is that a lot of people are not gonna recognize their dysphoria AS dysphoria until *after* they begin to Do Stuff About It.

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    handmade grandpa
    handmade grandpa

    don’t talk to me rn i’m thinking about the cats from katamari

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    rstevens 🐳💨
    rstevens 🐳💨

    i wish i were more of a programmer because there seem to be a lot of “remake this useful thing but remove the assholes in charge” lately

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    terry crews
    terry crews

    LOCALIZE MOTHER 3!

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    Jude Ellison S. Doyle
    Jude Ellison S. Doyle

    One cool thing about me is that when I think about myself as a lady or remember presenting in a more femme way I get grossed out, and when people think of me as a "man" I also get grossed out, and my society is constructed in such a manner as to make sure I am always grossed out

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    Sean Murray
    Sean Murray

    environmental storytelling

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    Dr. Elizabeth Carlen
    Dr. Elizabeth Carlen

    My cousin came home to find a pigeon built a nest* & LAID AN EGG on her bed.

    Luckily, as of last week, I'm a pigeon "expert".

    *Pigeons are notoriously terrible nest builders so this one stick constitutes her attempt at a nest.

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    Andy Baio
    Andy Baio

    it's hilarious to me that thousands of people are recreating the CGI dance from Colin's Bear Animation on TikTok, albeit stripped of all its original context and recycled through the meme ecosystem, but still completely recognizable twitter.com/waxy/status/13…

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    this morning my body spit out a stitch from my top surgery scars, nearly three years to the day (next week) after my top surgery

    my, the body surely is an amazing (and disgusting) thing

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    Sophie Vershbow
    Sophie Vershbow

    April 2020: working from home sucks
    April 2021: if we have to go back to the office full-time I will quit

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    honestly jealous that I don't just know parkour without risking breaking all my bones to learn it.

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    oh, nothing much. just sitting on my couch using the computer while my cat wall jumps between me and the back of the couch.

    of all the times to NOT be on a Zoom call.

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    Whoreganic Cop Puncher
    Whoreganic Cop Puncher

    Cryptocurrency is literally like an eight-year-old's concept of an evil businessman. He just plugs his pollution machine in and gets money for it. It doesn't make anything, it just. Pollutes. And makes money. Like a fucking Captain Planet villain

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    Nikita Redkar
    Nikita Redkar

    Commenting “love is love” and “that’s so inspiring!” on straight people’s engagement posts

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    WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE AT SOUP
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE AT SOUP

    Trans teenagers should be told before they transition that it's much better to find someone who loves you for who you truly are than suffer for the rest of your life pretending to be something you're not for someone who doesn't love the real you.

    I wish somebody told me that.

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    I'm replaying New Vegas and took the "Confirmed Bachelor" perk and really appreciate how incredibly thirsty everyone in the wasteland is

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    Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq.
    Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq.

    Nothing prepared me for this ending
    reddit.com/r/todayilearne…

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    Montucky Woodsnacks
    Montucky Woodsnacks

    When the mayor of Portland says “For those who are engaged in criminal destruction and violence, let’s make it hurt them a little bit,” do you think he’s referring to Portland police officers who routinely assault civilians and recently killed a homeless person? 🙃 twitter.com/genialanarchis…

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    Alien. I couldn’t sleep so got out of bed and my parents were watching it, and they let me stay because “well, there’s no sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ “ twitter.com/Shorror_/statu…

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    @_birdmachine EVERYTHING based on an existing property created by someone else is fanfiction, until it’s not. so, all the Star Wars extended universe stuff, all current comic books about characters created decades ago, video game sequels after the writers left, everything.

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    Zack Bornstein
    Zack Bornstein

    DEMILITARIZE 👏 GENDER 👏 REVEALS 👏

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    Alejandro A. Arbona 🇵🇷
    Alejandro A. Arbona 🇵🇷

    NEO-TOKYO IS ABOUT TO REVEAL A
    G•E•N•D•E•R

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    himbo chef, gamer dad
    himbo chef, gamer dad

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    Kath Barbadoro
    Kath Barbadoro

    i think maybe americans would be more inclined toward finding physical activity enjoyable if every gym teacher in every public school here wasn't a guy with a punisher sticker on his jeep

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    cosima bee concordia
    cosima bee concordia

    Do you have lots of dysphoria but aren’t planning on any medical transition? I’d recommend at least trying HRT. Worst case you don’t like it and stop, best case it’s like a lightbulb going off and your life finally makes sense and feels worth living.

Pictures

  • proof that, despite conventional wisdom, one CAN forget how to ride a bike on the plus side, got my first dose of the COVID vaccine!

    proof that, despite conventional wisdom, one CAN forget h...

    about 2 months ago

  • bathroom decor updated

    bathroom decor updated

    over 1 year ago

  • I got the urge to bake cookies but now I have all these cookies help I live alone and don’t need these many sweets i’ve already had like ten

    I got the urge to bake cookies but now I have all these c...

    over 1 year ago

  • welcome to nj

    welcome to nj

    over 1 year ago

  • love is real!

    love is real!

    over 1 year ago

  • skipped the tree this year but still made a damn fine turkey

    skipped the tree this year but still made a damn fine turkey

    over 1 year ago

  • a healthful halloween snack

    a healthful halloween snack

    over 1 year ago

  • banana for scale based tricks

    banana for scale based tricks

    over 1 year ago

  • looks like I'm making a detour to get a new tire tomorrow?

    looks like I'm making a detour to get a new tire tomorrow?

    over 1 year ago

  • I hate how it seems every hotel now has the policy to enter your room at least once every 24 hours no matter what today I returned to my room to find the outside pocket of my duffel unzipped nothing was there worth taking, but still.

    I hate how it seems every hotel now has the policy to ent...

    over 1 year ago

  • bought some lovely, transy dice #pax

    bought some lovely, transy dice #pax

    over 1 year ago

  • curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal (I was not present for this tiny apocalypse, but I'm sure it was glorious)

    curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal (I was not pres...

    over 1 year ago

  • this is some Deus Ex ass nonsense #defcon

    this is some Deus Ex ass nonsense #defcon

    almost 2 years ago

  • the church of the subgenius lives on, pinkos

    the church of the subgenius lives on, pinkos

    almost 2 years ago

  • :muscle::smirk_cat:

    :muscle::smirk_cat:

    almost 2 years ago

  • this is a pride/beer Instagram now also, WHICH local causes? that part is important!

    this is a pride/beer Instagram now also, WHICH local caus...

    almost 2 years ago

  • it me, yer enby beer fest fren with a good root beer, like a real beer fan

    it me, yer enby beer fest fren with a good root beer, lik...

    almost 2 years ago

  • found a Stand in a pub in Idaho Falls

    found a Stand in a pub in Idaho Falls

    almost 2 years ago

  • it me, yer tiny enby fren

    it me, yer tiny enby fren

    almost 2 years ago

  • I've accidentally wound up at this same damn LAX airport bar so many times and am always pleasantly surprised- I need to start coming here on purpose

    I've accidentally wound up at this same damn LAX airport ...

    about 2 years ago

Games

  • Fallout: New Vegas
(Xbox)

May my Hand Forget its Skill

    today

  • Legendary Edition: Mass Effect
(PS4)

    1 day ago

    Played Legendary Edition: Mass Effect on PS4

    about 1 hour ago

  • Tell Me Why
(Xbox)

Twins4life

    21 days ago

    Earned Twins4life in Tell Me Why on Xbox

    21 days ago

  • Shadow of the Colossus
(Playstation)

Last Man Standing

    27 days ago

    Earned Last Man Standing in Shadow of the Colossus on Playstation

    27 days ago

  • No Man's Sky
(PS5)

    about 1 month ago

    Played No Man's Sky on PS5

    about 1 month ago

  • The Outer Worlds
(Playstation)

Murder on Eridanos

    about 1 month ago

    Earned Murder on Eridanos in The Outer Worlds on Playstation

    about 1 month ago

  • Outriders
(PS5)

    2 months ago

    Played Outriders on PS5

    2 months ago

  • Control: Ultimate Edition
(Playstation)

The Third Thing

    2 months ago

    Earned The Third Thing in Control: Ultimate Edition on Playstation

    2 months ago

  • Assassin's Creed Valhalla
(PS5)

    2 months ago

    Played Assassin's Creed Valhalla on PS5

    2 months ago

  • Marvel's Spider-Man: Miles Morales
(PS5)

    5 months ago

    Played Marvel's Spider-Man: Miles Morales on PS5

    5 months ago

Books

  • Berserk, Vol. 3

    about 1 month ago

  • Berserk, Vol. 2

    about 1 month ago

  • Berserk, Vol. 1

    about 1 month ago

  • Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick

    about 1 month ago

  • Fallout: The Vault Dweller's Official Cookbook

    7 months ago

  • Tom of Finland

    7 months ago

  • Petals to the Metal

    10 months ago

  • Lucifer, Book Two

    11 months ago

  • A Year Without a Name: A Memoir

    11 months ago

Music

  • Skeeter Davis - The End of the World

    1 day ago

  • Tex Beneke - A Wonderful Guy

    1 day ago

  • Bob Crosby And The Bobcats - Way Back Home

    1 day ago

  • Bobby Darin - Mack the Knife

    1 day ago

  • The Andrews Sisters - Rum And Coca-Cola - Single Version

    1 day ago

  • Bob Crosby And The Bobcats - Dear Hearts And Gentle People

    1 day ago

  • Louis Prima - Just a Gigolo - Remastered

    1 day ago

  • Keely Smith - Stardust

    1 day ago

  • Sandy Hill - I'm Tickled Pink

    1 day ago

  • Danny Kaye - Civilization (Bongo, Bongo, Bongo) - Single Version

    1 day ago

  • The Mills Brothers - Mr. Sandman

    1 day ago