@maggiekarp @ContraPoints My opinions are shaped by living in Portland; where it’s very hard to date and meet people who aren’t poly

So what I’m hearing is poly people are sex vegans

Comedians: if you’re not offending someone you’re not doing comedy right

Mitch Hedberg: I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. It’s not the photographers fault and that’s extra scary to me because there’s a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside

NPR scolding Beto for cussing out the guy laughing at 19 dead children is the essence of modern liberalism

Maybe a lowercase g? twitter.com/ahninjas/statu…

It’s there a shirt with something like the PlayStation logo except it’s a “G” and says GayStation? I mean, it already has the rainbow and everything

I don’t know why conservatives are panicking. I’ve been told that if you’ve done nothing wrong and simply comply with the cops, you have nothing to worry about.

@skyesidhe After Matt Ryan I refuse to accept any other version of Constantine. (Disclaimer: I haven’t watched Sandman yet)

Every back-to-office guy is obsessed with the idea that people might be working while wearing comfortable pants and it makes them furious. This might suggest that their focus is not effective workplaces but controlling minor details of their employees' lives but who am I to say

@skyesidhe You are pretty but more importantly, you are badass and awesome

@MichaelSLaufer Fortunately for my own face my opponents were a punching bag and mitts that someone else was holding 😂

In other good news, the Blumenauer Bridge opened while I wasn’t paying attention and I got to check it out.

It’s definitely the best crossing over I-84, and doesn’t even require an advanced degree to navigate like some of our other recent infrastructure!

bikeportland.org/2022/08/01/the…

TFW you pick up a new hobby

By age 30 you should have at least 40 different tote bags you don‘t need but keep stuffed into one larger tote bag which is the one you‘d technically need the most but now can no longer access

Gay away the pray.

Oh, either the Instagram A/B testing dice have landed in my favor or Instagram has abandoned their terrible attempt at becoming TikTok

@clovewright they picked this extremely boring take on an exciting comic book meeting to try and sell their shit as something someone somewhere might like to watch so my hopes at this point are completely non-existent.

the bar is, ironically, in hell.

seriously, I can't get over this. they made this meeting, which should feel tense and suspenseful and weird and intimidating, feel like a poorly voice acted cutscene you'd skip past in a jrpg

Also, Gwendoline Christie is great but it feels like people are trying to make her like a drop in replacement for Tilda Swinton and I don’t think that does her justice?

how did Netflix manage to make sandman boring? youtu.be/d0v_A6gBTQM

nothing makes me simmer in the vilest, most negative energy imaginable than someone trying to make me feel positive, breathe deeply, manifest good intentions, etc.

Easily the greatest paragraph in the history of the English language

I don’t need ketamine therapy I need a walkable city and 20 hour workweek

they are pouring macadam outside and

1) it smells vaguely like McDonalds
2) which is making me crave McDonalds
3) which is making me question many prior life choices if these non-food chemicals are making me hungry for a clearly non-food

idea: a gameshow called Imposter Syndrome where you take 10 senior developers and tell them that one of them is actually just a sales guy who's been taught to say DevOps buzzwords. to win, they have to figure out who the fake dev is. the trick: there is no sales guy

Of course I’m still single. Why would I want to share my life with someone? My life sucks. I’m lonely, not a sadist.

*explaining chicago style pizza to someone* imagine an above-ground pool

@dsal Y’all seem to function well enough without complaining but I guess I’m just assuming

I’VE BEEN CALLED OUT…

nobody wants to say it but you can be queer without having a bad haircut

I have FOUR (4) activities scheduled for this weekend and am feeling overwhelmed

Howmst do people with children get through even a single day without having a meltdown

Orange Line train in Boston catches on fire. Woman jumps off into the water. Declines assistance help from marine boat but takes a life jacket, swims to shore, and walks away. I feel that energy. bostonglobe.com/2022/07/21/met…

According to my face blindness, when Ryan Gosling dyes his hair blonde suddenly he is Ellen DeGeneres

Need it

You can nuzzle the cat as the cat in Stray

Dogshit - Very poor quality
Bullshit - Not true
Horseshit - Nonsense
Apeshit - Rambunctious
Batshit - Insane

This is an excellent feature of English that we should continue building upon.

cops don't do their own version of the shirtless firefighter calendars because they don't want you to see all the swastika tats

what a perfectly apt metaphor

Had my first boxing class today and I don’t think my shoulders have been so thoroughly worked out in my life, even after four years of powerlifting

seems like a weird oversight and/or feature that the replaceable longlast brita filters float in water, right?

do they want us to get the fucking avocado toast or not

this might look like they're announcing that sims can finally be queer, but it's much funnier than that;

The Sims has never factored gender into romance, making all sims functionally pansexual. After 22 years they're finally begrudgingly allowing you to make straight people twitter.com/TheSims/status…

I hear from many trans & nonbinary people who are actively seeking an Autism diagnosis. My advice is RETHINK THIS. Restricting Autistic people's access to gender affirming care is a major TERF talking point. As legal attacks on trans healthcare mounts, a psychiatric dx is a risk

Surprising nobody, they didn't feel content to just settle with destroying privacy and abortion. Now they're coming for who people are.

These fuckers must be stopped. twitter.com/NBCNews/status…

We're going to be selling an array of implants from the #dangerousthings catalog at #defcon30 this year! Find us everyday in the biohack village when all the talks are over. Some of our friends will be on site to help with installations as well! #chipimplant #magnetimplant

what you gonna do lil' man, wide-eye pupil them into submission?

my dummy cat whomst cowers like a baby whenever he hears the faintest faraway noise, but acts like a tough guy growlin' and creepin' up to the door whenever a neighbor fiddles with their keys.

this thing FUCKS

The new Instagram update really understood what I was looking for:
- none of my friends’ content
- reposted TikToks from meme accounts I do not follow
- 100x more ads
- everything played at full volume against my will

ugh, instagram went from smoothy scrolling to requiring swiping each post away and now it requires far too much interaction.

every post feels like a story and what's the point of having posts, stories, and reels if they all converge to the same garbage format?

Nintendo Japan says it recognises same-sex marriages, even if Japan doesn't: bit.ly/3AMRQnI

look at all those eyes - peacocks are biblically accurate angels twitter.com/buitengebieden…

my neighbor is apparently replacing their roof and the workers started ripping the old one up at like, 7 PM

while I appreciate the noise now as opposed to 7 AM, I'm wondering what sort of union keeps them to this sort of schedule

"homer simpson's head rendered in beautiful neon glass on a rainy night in tokyo"

i actually think it's fine to demonize trump supporters

I recently bought and played Dragon’s Dogma because a lot of people were streaming it and it was cheap, but I gotta be honest - if you like that style of game, Kingdoms of Amalur is a hell of a lot more fun.

Rooting through git blame trying to figure out who’s responsible for this shit.

It's wild to me that just about every trans person I know is planning the next few years of their lives around the potential criminalization of their existence and the liberal position on trans rights is "haven't we done enough"

I will boo a Supreme Court Justice on a train
I will boo a Supreme Court Justice in the rain
I will boo a Supreme Court Justice in a boat
I will boo a Supreme Court Justice on a goat

twitter deal blew up like a tesla

BREAKING: Former Japanese PM Shinzo Abe meeting Former President Reagan today

NEW: @Apple's #LockdownMode is radical reduction of the threat surface of an iPhone.

Cannot overstate how big a change this is for Apple.

So important that people at higher digital risk have the option to harden their phones.

Some thoughts 1/
apple.com/newsroom/2022/…

My wife just said "if you hate everyone, you should eat something, and if you think everyone hates you, you should go to sleep" and I don't think I've heard a better life hack

FOR INSTANCE, why are Caleb and Kaylee unsecured at the start of the night other than to run around causing plot to happen? It's never explained!